So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
