grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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