He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
a search helicopter?!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
