I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
