I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
