just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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