why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
