my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
