I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
