you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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