I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
wanna go halves on a baby?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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