Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
