I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
