Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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