apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
