The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
