And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Success! We fucked roommates!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
