I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
