he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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