I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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