OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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