Just fell off a train. Bad.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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