Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
