remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
