Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
