Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
