She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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