Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
