im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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