Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
