We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
