i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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