remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Soap is not a condiment
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
