Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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