she was so not down for the gang bang
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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