I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
