My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
