We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
