"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
