yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
