walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
