watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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