Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
