"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
