you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
