dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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