Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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