I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
