she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
