dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we're chasing vodka with high fives
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
